Life’s challenges happen without warning. You can never foresee the things that may create roadblocks and boulders in your world until they’ve already appeared. Feeling stuck and unsure of how to find a new path after you’ve been diverted might feel overwhelming, confusing, and frustrating.
Maybe you’ve experienced a loss or are going through a tough breakup. Perhaps you’re feeling unsatisfied in your career and lack the confidence to try something different. You could be struggling to motivate yourself after complex circumstances threw your state of mind for a loop. If you’re feeling like you’re settling for less than what you desire—don’t give up yet.
There is challenging inner work and uncomfortable transitions that must occur for you to move forward. Getting aware that you have a choice for how to start working toward that change is the first step to transforming your life.
While it may be hard, here are five things you will need to do to move forward and transform your life:
Embrace that starting over is the only option.
You might see “starting over” as the worst-case scenario as if you’ve got to wipe away all the work you’ve done in this life and start with nothing all over again. It seems scary when you put it that way. Starting over doesn’t discount your previous experiences, it’s just about making substantial changes and challenging all that wisdom into new things.
How many times have you said, “If only I knew then what I know now…” Well, then use what you know. Take that wisdom with you as you begin to channel your energy into a new adventure. Starting over with a blank canvas and a world full of colors could become anything you want it to be.
Let go of the opinions and choices of others.
Do not question your capabilities based on someone else’s resume. To quote Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” You will never feel a sense of contentment or fulfillment if your thoughts are based on someone else’s view of the world.
It’s powerful to surround yourself with people who inspire you, but it’s unhealthy to allow anyone’s opinions to sway the decisions you make for yourself. It’s not possible to please everyone. But you will please yourself more if you focus less on what others are doing or saying. You may want people's acceptance, but you don't need their approval. Your life is designed specifically for you, not them.
Learn to see discomfort as a rightful step toward change.
If you’re not willing to get uncomfortable, you can't expect to experience the changes you want to see in moving forward. A lot of uncomfortable emotions and feelings could come up when you’re getting ready to take a big leap in your life. So, you may choose not to take that leap. But that discomfort is the road to growth and renewed strength.
Moving through the pain leads to positive change. Sitting on the sidelines leads to stagnancy and a lack of fulfillment, which is more painful. At least the growing pains will offer you solace in the end.
Get accountable for whether you’re making excuses or decisions.
Forward-thinking is about planning and making healthy decisions for your future. When you’re afraid of the discomfort of change, you often make excuses for why you shouldn’t do that thing instead of making a healthy decision for making it happen. Not only is it counterproductive, but it reiterates in your mind that you’re not capable—which just isn’t true.
Stop yourself at moments when you feel like you’re looking for an excuse instead of a solution. Get accountable for how that will impact the person you aim to become, choosing to make a decision instead. Consider looking into Positive Intelligence theory to boost you to higher levels of self-assessment and problem-solving to make intentional and impactful life decisions.
Surrender your need for control.
We can’t control the uncontrollable. This was a tough lesson I learned in my mid-30s when I realized I was unable to have children. I spent so much time feeling stuck in anger and resentment over my unfair fate without considering the things I had influence over. Instead of trying to adjust how I felt about the situation, I felt more in control when I was holding a grudge against it.
But the key to surrendering is to accept when it’s time to let go of something you cannot change so you can focus on the things you can. The need to feel in control confines you because it creates resistance that keeps you stuck in one place. Moving forward is about being mindful of what’s within your power and choosing to put your energy toward that thing.
Final Thoughts
If you’re someone who is feeling restless or entrapped by circumstances you cannot move forward from, get committed to yourself again. The only one stopping you is you. Choose action over wishes and awareness over resistance. Reach out to me to learn how I can help. You do not have to do it alone.
